So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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