...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
