I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I think I just sharted jello shots
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
