Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
