My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
