I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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