I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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