Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
