You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
