I just threw up on my dentist
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
