I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He? As in you personified your dick?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
