currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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