Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize