She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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