He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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