She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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