so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
