We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
