I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Who died my cat blue again?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
