he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
