I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize