Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize