Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
