I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
