Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
