I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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