Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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