Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
