Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
