the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
