Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
