i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize