Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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