So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
