Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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