I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
