Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
