party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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