im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
