I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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