im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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