Are we in a gay sports bar?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
