I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
