Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
