he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize