You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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