I hate all girls vehemently.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
