I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
