so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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