If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
