Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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