First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
