I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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