im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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