I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
