im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
