Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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