epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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