____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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