Don't you send me to vm
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
