I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
