So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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