what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
