I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
