Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
