sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
