I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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