I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
