Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
