also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
