We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
