Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
